Custody Christmas Carol

Christmas is right around the corner! Yikes! Maybe you’re in the group of folks who have already finished your shopping and have a mound of beautifully wrapped presents under your tree or maybe you’re in the “I shop on Christmas Eve” club and aren’t sweating the details just yet. Regardless of where you fall, you’ve most likely made all of your holiday arrangements and are looking forward to spending some quality time with your family.  If you share custody of your children with your ex, maybe you’re counting down the hours or days until you see your children for Christmas.

If your ex decides to be a grinch and throw a wrench in your plans by either threatening to ignore the holiday custody schedule or, worse yet, actually refusing to let you see your children for Christmas, please remember a few things:

First and foremost, please remember that your children did not ask to be in this situation. They didn’t ask for their parents to live in separate households and they certainly didn’t ask to be shuffled to and fro on the holidays. This reminder isn’t meant as a guilt trip either. Don’t get so caught up in your anger that you forget what’s most important – your children’s feelings and happiness! 

Second, don’t threaten or try to involve the police.[1] Chances are, if you call the police in an attempt to have them enforce your custody order, they’re going to tell you it’s a civil matter and refer you to your attorney. Truly consider whether being right is more important than your children enjoying their Christmas. Is being right more important than your children’s happiness?  

If, by chance, an officer shows up and is willing to enforce the Order, what will involving the police actually accomplish?  Sure, you might enjoy some sense of satisfaction, but will it improve the quality of your children’s Christmas?  Instead of remembering that Santa brought their favorite gift, your children are more likely to remember the countless tears they shed because their parents were arguing and yelling. Involving the police will only escalate the situation and cause unnecessary strife for all involved. In the spirit of Christmas, be the bigger person. Let your ex go on about their business and call a lawyer to handle the matter in court – where it belongs.

Third, and most difficult, do not mention any of this to your children! Children deserve to be children and enjoy their youth. Don’t rob them of their innocence by putting them in the middle or by making them feel like they need to defend or protect either one of their parents. Even if you can’t remember loving your ex-spouse, remember that your children love both of their parents. 

Pennsylvania uses the “best interest of the child” standard when determining what type of custody and how custody should be shared between parents. If that standard is good enough for the Judge, it ought to be good enough for you, as your children’s parent. Before you make any rash decisions, stop and think “is this really in the best interest of my children?” If the answer is anything other than an unequivocal “YES!”, then you may want to change your course of action.

 The Skeen Firm wishes everyone a very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!  Should your holidays not go as planned, feel free to give us a call at 724-550-6970.

*Disclaimer: the advice provided is for informational purposes and is not intended as legal advice.  It should not be relied on, nor construed as creating an attorney-client relationship.

[1] This statement does not cover situations where you are considering calling the police because you fear for your child’s safety. It is solely addressing threatening to involve the police to enforce a custody order.